Dear Mr. Baggage

Dear Mr. Baggage,


I saved this letter for one of the last ones because... ugh, I still don't know what to say. Well, I suppose it would help to start at the beginning. I met you online, we messaged for a couple weeks and then I was "exclusively" dating someone else at the moment, so we took a couple month break and eventually got back in touch and met up for coffee. To be honest, I was expecting that to be the one and only date. However, you came right from work in your tie and slacks and we met in my break before a rehearsal that night. You do clean up nicely. Anyway, we started talking about life and transirions and family and I thought, "wow, he is waay cooler than I thought he'd be." You totally surprised me. You were very unassuming and confident, gosh! that's so attractive in a man. Then you got very vulnerable about where you were.. and it wasn't creepy or clingy or too much, which is strange. How did you even do that? I suppose you were just very honest. I think you're one of those people that decides either someone will like me or they wont. You can be kind and goofy and we joked around a lot. There had to be a second date.

So, we met up for chicken waffles and walked and talked in the glowing evening and we went for thai food another time. Everything was going great. We were both able to be super real and everything seemed fantastic. And!!!! Because you are stinkin' adorable, you took me to my first hockey game... and now I'm an addict! Why had I never been to a game before. they get to hit each other and it's legal!!! In fact, it's encouraged. You were very patient in explaining all the rules and just very sweet in general. Do you remember that night? You walked me to my car and we were embracing when I actually made the first move and kissed you. What? I never do that! I think I totally caught you off guard, but man, that was an AMAZING kiss, like wow! But then, you noticed all the cars driving by and I don't think you like PDA, like at all... am I right? So, you quickly diverted to get food someplace nearby. THE WHOLE RIDE over to the joint, I thought, "OMG!!! Why did I kiss him? He is probably completely grossed out and thinks I'm too forward. No! I made it awkward... I never make things awkward. ugh... why did I do that???!!!" Yeah, I never told you that part, but I was freaking out. We walked inside to order and as I was being nervous while attempting to survey the menu. You bumped into me, which I ignored because it was so slight. Then, you nudged me a little more obviously and as I looked your way, you were also staring at the menu, but smiling mischievously. "Oh! Thank God! He's flirting with me!!!!" I was so relieved after that. "Phew. He likes me; I didn't freak him out. yay!" And then we chatted over dinner and afterwards, you held my hand outside.. ah!!! cute! Just as the conversation in the parkinglot was winding down, a bunch of fireworks from a nameless amusement park went off and so there we were watching them, arm in arm, in a parking lot. It was so fun because it was so spontaneous.

Remember that terrible week you had? Where everything at work was hectic? We were looking forward to the weekend, but I didn't realize how much until you hugged me when you greeted me... and you didn't let go. "I really need tonight," you said so sweetly that it caught me off guard. We had wing stop and just walked and talked, a perfect night. I actually felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, which actually rarely happens to me. I date a lot of people and most of the time they feel like dates.So this was something new. And then came the constant texting and more dates and more conversations about everything and watching movies or more like kissing while a movie is playing in the background. hehe. Anyway, it was very fun.... at the beginning.

The thing that was inconsistent was your mood swings. You would have these random moments where you would be very closed off and hard. I know we discussed how you are an INTJ personality and so you are overly logical in the way you see the world, which sometimes makes you come off as unsympathetic. But, it was weird how you could be totally vulnerable about talking about something to a certain extent and in the same conversation totally shut off. And then you started to shut off to me. Maybe you got over it, maybe I wan't as interesting anymore? but it showed. And why were you still constantly texting me if you were over it? Lonely? You stopped paying for me and got very closed and apathetic about where we would hang out. I could see that this was coming to a close, which was unfortunate because we had so many sweet moments together.

Do you remember the last time we hung out? It was at that Irish pub. I told myself that if you were going to continue to be annoyingly closed off and distant that it would be the last time I'd see you...and it was. Oh, come on. It was obvious. The dinner conversation was lacking, we were wandering around stupid banana republic talking about how much I hated orange and when I suggested that we do something, you turned down all my ideas, so I asked what was up and when you said, "nothing," I told you we could end the night. "No," you insisted. So then when we went back to my car and started kissing at this perfect spot on a hill, until.... you didn't even want to kiss me!!!! What? I don't know why I was so emotional. "Well, we can just go home then" I kindly and solemnly said on the brink of tears. You couldn't see because my head was turned away. And then, you grabbed my waist and held me. I'm so confused! I don't do this. Unlike most modern girls, I actually HATE these kind of games with a passion. But, you still were being distant and weird, so I eventually drove us back. You could feel the tension in the car. "So are you over it?" I asked. "What do you mean? " you said. Really? are you that oblivious? "You and me. Us. Are you over it?" and you're response actually surprised me. "What? NO! I'm... I'm sorry. I'm just really tired." Like you were shocked I would suggest such a thing. "Well, you just seem like you're really not into it." "No, that's not true," you pleaded. I dropped you off at your car... and WHY am I driving anyway??? "Goodnight," "goodnight."
You texted me the next day about your refrigerator and I asked if you were beginning to get emotionally invested because I was. When you said, "it takes a long time for me to be emotionally invested," I told you I couldn't do it and we said our polite goodbyes.

I don't know if it was because of the stuff with your dad? Maybe you're so afraid to let someone connect with you because that leaves you vulnerable to get hurt? Maybe you're emotionally protecting yourself? Maybe you're just really selfish and this is what you do.. get girls to break up with you so you don't have to feel guilty about ending it because you don't want to quit on someone like your dad did? But at the same time, you're shutting off which defeats the whole purpose anyway.. You're just very hard and I learned I could never be with someone that was so emotionally hard and unavailable. It would drive me crazy. I won't chase someone my whole life, that's exhausting. I want someone who is soft and kind and thoughtful, who is sweet and tender. Enough of these "macho" men. blegh. No offense... actually yes offense. I hope you are offended and next time you learn how to better communicate. So there. But I really am sorry it came to this...

Sincerely,

That girl once in your arms

Dear Mr. Playboy

I met Mr. Playboy online and we met up pretty quickly after we started talking

Dear Mr. Playboy,
So, I have to say that I made a rule for myself that I don't date actors, but you were so stinkin' adorable, I intentionally broke my rule, knowing that this would only last so long. I also could tell right off the bat that you were a total jerk... I mean, a nice, cute and cuddly jerk, but a jerk none the less. You knew exactly what you were doing as far as flattering me and ect, but really, the only person you can think of is yourself. However, your arrogance and selfishness was almost innocent. It was as if you were so dumb, the only way you could survive would be to think of yourself. I, like a sicko found that endearing for a while... and you were a fantastic kisser haha.

Our first date was at this Korean restaurant for kbbq, which was points. I walked into the place, you had already ordered us drinks and I sat down and we just started talking as if we had known each other forever. It was so much fun to connect so fast. We went for a walk and you put your arm around me, more laughter and trying to find a place that sells boba tea, which failed. Then, you had me twirl and before I knew it, we were kissing under the moon. Cute. You were actually quite sweet.

So, we then met up for ice cream cones and wandered around a local park talking about our childhoods and obviously, more kissing.

My favorite date with you was dancing in Hollywood. We met up and drove right up hollywood Blvd where you just so "happened" to know a guy who would chauffeur us around in this very fancy bmw. Look at you with your connections. Well, what else are you supposed to do in an expensive car going down one of the world's most famous boulevards among the flashing lights and young people, but make out like crazy people, so of course we had to follow suit haha. I'm not really like that, I mean making out when the driver is present, but there are exceptions for some things in life. It was definitely a moment to look  out the back window at the bright world passing by, us totally oblivious. Well, your friend had more connections to get us into this better club. He made a phone call and told us to walk up tot he bouncer and ask for Chris and then to tell him we were april and charlie. So, we did and we got VIP treatment to the "special" entrance... whatever that means. Anyway.. remember everyone giving us those glow sticks and the blaring music and smoke? sheesh. It was crazy, but so fun. We danced for a while and then you took me by the hand and lead me around (probably as you have done with so many other girls, but this night, I didn't care) and I thought we looked good together, like we complimented each other well. I imagined the other people at the club, who weren't high out of their minds thought, "wow, they're cute together. They fit so well." And we ran around with laughter in our eyes. Then, onto the next club, more driving than before. A crazy night! One for the books.

I think we met up for a "chat" (aka making out) once more before my class... and then I ended it. I mean, anyone can tell that the relationship was purely physical and as much fun as it is, it does get old and shallow and I got bored of the same thing over and over again. And you were pushing to sleep with me, which was a no. I was craving depth. It goes back to the whole "feeling chosen" idea. I got this feeling that it wouldn't matter if it was me or some other pretty girl, you would be just as happy with her and that bothered me. AND, you are such a playboy... and like shamelessly, it's so funny to me that you genuinely don't find anything wrong about it and you love Michael W. Smith at the same time!

Anyway, I don't have any regrets. It was such a fun Hollywood adventure and you were attractive to my inner "rebellious teenager" that I haven't explored too thoroughly. An experience! That's what it was. I know every man hates this, but you were an experience for me and I'd never do it again, but it was fun ;)

Sincerely,

That Wanna-be "bad girl"

Dear Mr. I Don't Even Know

I met Mr. I Don't Even Know online. And I can' think of any place to start.... ummmm....

Dear Mr. I Don't Even Know,

...



Sincerely,
One Confused Chick

Dr. Mr. Insecurity

I met Mr. Insecurity online at the beginning of my online adventures.

Dear Mr. Insecurity,

I am actually very surprised at you sir. I feel like we hit it off great. I mean we talked on the phone for like three hours sometimes and we were talking for a couple weeks. We talked about EVERYTHING. Family, friends, pet peeves, sports, all of it.

 We even became facebook friends. Actually, I think we still are facebook friends even though we haven't talked in a year lol. The funny thing was I didn't facebook friend anyone else after you. I didn't want things to get too sticky. Anyway, I loved all your New York stories, your view of the world, your thoughts on meyers briggs personality tests. It was very natural and fun. You are a very charismatic speaker, which for some reason has always been extra points with me. We laughed and joked and I was really looking forward to meeting you and then, the strangest thing happened. We set up a time to talk, like normal and you never called me...ever again. After a few days, I think I texted you, but you never responded. Okay. I get it. I can take a hint. I personally don't think it's that hard to let someone know you're just not into it anymore. A simple text saying something to that effect would have sufficed. So either you are so insecure you don't want to have the conversation or you are too rude to care. Either of which are not good options.

After that text, I never contacted you again. Life is strange that way sometimes. To be way too vulnerable, the reason I never deleted you from facebook is I thought we could pick up someday where we left off, which is kind of at the very beginning again. And WHY do you "like" things that I post? Ugh. Facebook is a whole other stupid tool and way to flirt but not really. Ugh, just so dumb and obnoxious (not just you, but other guys use it for their manipulative ends as well)  I should probably delete you. Oh, and in case you're wondering...which you probably aren't...I never respond because you're a guy. If you like me, and want something to happen, you'll make it happen and if it's not a priority than you don't like me enough and it wasn't meant to be. At least that is my womanly perspective of the world.

 My grandmother tells me that a woman needs to be pursued, she needs to feel chosen and when she does, she will respond well. I think I relate to that. Maybe it's my Disney Princess complex, but I really do want to be with someone who finds me specifically attractive on all kinds of levels, not just someone who asks you out because they're tired of being alone.. you know? And I think any girl with half a brain can tell the difference, even if they pretend they can't for a while. Um, anyway, next time don't just cut off. I don't think sending a goodbye text won't take more than five seconds. It would be a nice thing to do as a human being, no offense.

Sincerely,

Miss. Confident... (or she thinks so most of the time)

Dear Mr. Lumberjack

I met Mr. Lumberjack online toward the end of my dating binge so I was kind of getting over everything. I knew before I went on the date that I wouldn't be interested. Why did I go? Well, I guess some habits can be hard to kick or I really am that desperate for friends sometimes haha.

Dear Mr. Lumberjack,

You are exactly like ALL of my guy friends, very intelligent and super fun and funny and adventurous. We talked about all things goofy and being kids and we walked around and talked careers and personalities and it was all quite fun. I genuinely laughed a lot! You did give me a huge revelation however. All you had to do to help me with my revelation was be yourself. To be honest, there was something just a little too familiar about you and I didn't want to be on a date with one of my guy friends... Instead, all I really wanted to do was hang out with my guy friends or any friends. I moved away from my perfect social life in another city and I have been trying since to re-create it. Yes, I realize this is impossible and close minded. I am not stupid, only nostalgic. And you helped me realize that really what I want is a community not a long string of men that I date and dump, date and dump...over and over again. It's clear that even that gets boring after a few months.

 You were the last person I dated before I deleted my profile, so thank you. Thank you for helping me understand that I am looking for connection in the wrong place. It has been four months since I deleted my account and I've actually connected to a church and met some INCREDIBLE people. I am building a strong foundation of girlfriends that I enjoy and I'm pursuing my career. I had to take a break from dating, take a breather. Dating a TON of people at once kind of makes you numb in some ways and hopeless in others. I say this because as much as I talk tough, there is still that little dance of butterflies as you get ready to go out. Put on your lipstick, earrings and heels as  Regina Spektor sings in the background, the anticipation of a thrilling evening builds, the hope that this one could go somewhere. And then, it doesn't. Maybe I'm too picky, maybe my expectations are unrealistic. In that case, maybe I'm better off single anyway. I don't want to be a nagging girlfriend, blegch.  Maybe, I'll go back again sometime when I feel more energetic. But, men are a lot to handle. No offense. They want you to text them.... like ALL day long. Who really has time for that and being emotionally invested and vulnerable often sounds very exhausting.

I'm sure that this is more than you ever wanted to know and it is my no mistake that the majority of this letter is about me and not about you. which is probably why I'm not in a good place for a relationship anyway. I am incredibly selfish and very aware of it. But, aren't we all in some degree selfish? We all take up some breathing air right? How dare we! But that's a deeper conversation for another blog.  I went searching for knowledge and I found it. I think I finally understand men, or at least the broader gist, and it only took 8 months. Now, the trick is to find one that excites me, that awakens something deeper in me, someone I actually can stand to be around for more than two hours. I probably sound so judgmental. Oh, well. Such is honesty! That's what people want most, yes? Honesty? That's what you would like right? HA! Be careful what you ask for. I imagine you reading this with a very confused facial expression and it makes me laugh full and loud at my keyboard. Life is funny. Sorry, I am also reading George Elliot's novel, Middlemarch. It's brilliant and it puts me an over-contemplative mood. All my favorite classical novelists have always been men, so it's refreshing to discover George.

In conclusion, you are awesome! Go on your life adventure! Do your thing! I'm sure you'll be wildly successful and happy, you seem like that type. Oh, and it was nice to get your text the other day. Casual, "hey, how are you?" aka. "has anything changed...still not interested?" I sent a very brief response, no questions and you were smart enough to get the message: "no, nothing has changed." Sheesh. All this social talk reading between lines...I would be nicer, but men don't handle non-committal encouragement well from women, so I trust them to get their encouragement elsewhere. And if they can't, I probably don't want to be connected anyway. Okay, i'm done. I think that's all I needed to process for now. Thanks for letting me vent, in a way. I didn't realize I felt some of these things until I articulated my thoughts into words. Best wishes!

Sincerely,

That rambler

Dear Mr Hipster

Mr. Hipster and I met online and messaged for a while. I was really hopeful about where it could go.

Dear Mr. Hipster,

First off, good job picking the location. The Queen Mary is a fun date idea. And I had no clue that there was that bar on the top of the ship. Very classy, very fun and a beautiful sunny day for it all. No offense, but you were very much a hipster in the way that you dressed, with your "cool" hair, even down to the lilt in your voice when you spoke. To be honest, I kind of hated the whole hipster movement because I think it's trendy and I can't stand people who follow trends... because its a trend. Anyway, you seemed deeper than all that when we started talking, so I decided we would have fun. Our backgrounds were a lot the same and we both are obsessed with traveling, so there's that. You come from a very successful family and with that there is also the monetary component, but you tried not to let it show. I have been dating so many men and I started to think. Hmmm. I like this one. He is normal, down to earth and we seem to have a lot in common. I got a little excited.

 We sat at a dark wooden table by the window for a drink. You had something very manly while I had a Singapore sling. Whew!!! Talk about a drink! I am convinced that bartender just enjoyed watching my facial expressions as I sipped the thing. Tropical, yummy, but watch out for that alcohol! It was interesting because the whole time we were having a fun conversation, you seemed really chill and your laugh seemed forced. I, on the other hand was very expressive and laughing with the utmost flair. A quarter of the way through the drink, I had to stop. It was just too much for me and I had a show after that, I couldn't get too tipsy. I think it upset you because I couldn't finish the drink... but honestly, you wouldn't want me to start dancing on the table. I promise. We walked outside for a little while before you had to take me back on time.

When you first picked me up, you said we would go to the queen mary and depending on how that went, you might be able to meet up with me afterwards. I know I caught you off guard as I asked, "what's the verdict?" as you were going to drop me off. You said the stupidest thing ever! "I just like to talk things out with my friends and get their opinions, it really matters to me."

 Okay.... liar, liar, pants on fire. REALLY!? Let's just pause for a second. If you are into a girl, I would trust that you have the maturity and assertiveness to decide for yourself, otherwise you have a whole other list of problems. And second, it was obvious you weren't into it (which is fine), you simply lacked the courage and integrity to just tell me. So, you didn't exactly come off smooth when you texted me 10 minutes later (obviously after NOT talking to your buddies) that you weren't feeling it. I'll be honest. That has never happened to me before, so I was probably shocked. In fact, I spent the next hour processing what happened. The idea that a guy would reject me after one date was so foreign. What? But, I'm so good at first dates. I am so good at reading the guy, being my fun wonderful self and it's usually that easy. So I was upset I suppose. You messed up my first date streak. On the other hand, I did understand that I was throwing a little bit of a temper tantrum and I also do this to guys all the time. A taste of my own medicine. So, I was able to see from your perspective as well and I understood. It also meant that for the first time in a VERY long time I was dealing with a rejection that was unfamiliar to me.

The biggest problem was also that I actually liked you. Which probably meant I wasn't being myself. You know how it is when you like someone: you just can't be as comfortable or vulnerable until you feel it's safe. whereas, when I'm on dates with guys that I'm uninterested in, I feel there is no pressure to impress, so I am probably more relaxed and therefore more myself. The stupid irony of it all. ugh! And it probably wasn't helping that I was so tipsy. It was probably unattractive and my bubbliness scared you off. You probably want a nice little submissive boring girl at the end of the day.

Anyway, this is the most important part. Instead of writing an upset whiny text calling you out for your BS, I wanted to be the change, so I said something very gracious along the lines of "have a nice life." When what I wanted to say was: "Seriously!!!! Why couldn't you grow a pair and just tell me when I was in the car with you 10 MINUTES ago. You are such a coward and therefore, I'm glad it isn't going anywhere. Besides the way you dress is so dumb! where's your originality? Why are you trying to be something you're not to impress other people?!!!!" But, you can't write that in a text to a stranger. It never comes off right. And I've dealt with so many whiny annoying texts, I didn't want to be that person. Needless to say, it took me an entire four hours to get over it. Hey, that's a lot for me. But listen dude. Next time, just tell her you're not feeling it at the beginning, it will be so much better received and you don't give her a chance to call you out.

Sincerely,

The girl who thinks you're a cowardly prick... in the best way possible of course ;)

Dear Mr. Boring

Mr. Boring and I met online. He was one of the first dates I went on. Disappointing to say the least.

Dear Mr. Boring,

It's funny to me because I think you were nervous the first time we talked on the phone, but I thought it was cute. We had great phone conversations and then we skyped, which by the way, it was SOOO obvious you were just checking me out the whole time. Skype to you was a test of... is this girl as cute in person as in her pictures. Obviously, I passed your stupid test. We met up for Rubios because that is the extent of your creativity and we talked about nothing. It was SOOOO boring! I just remember straining my brain for topics and trying to think of anything... that never happens to me. Your one word answers didn't help. Maybe I'm too dominant for you? Anyway you look so different in person than you do on skype. Oh the irony! You look waaay shorter and you have fish eyes sir. Yes. You know those gold fish with the puffy big eyes on the national geographic magazine. That's what you reminded me of. And so, there was just no physical attraction. You seemed like you were miserable even though I tried to make everything as non awkward as possible. You weren't helping. And then it got super weird when we had Rubios for like 30 mins and then you walked me to the parkinglot. "Well, what now?" you said. I gave you PLENTY of suggestions and I even suggested the beach, which is free. We small talked a little more before you totally ignored all my suggestions and got in your car to go home. Lame! Anyway, thank God I previously made other plans to get pho with my girlfriends, totally talk about the horrible date I just had and then we learned Psy's Gangnum style dance. That was way more valuable than any time we would have spent together.

But, THEN!!!! ah! Wait for the next one. I thought it was obvious how not into me you were, so I was surprised to get a text from you three days later: "So, I guess that's a no? huh?" WHAT?!!! Seriously?? YOU were the one who didn't want to hang out with ME after Rubios. Why are you even texting me??? I'm so confused. And so I told you so. I think I did say almost exactly that. And you never responded again. Yeah, that's what I thought. I called it and the fact that you didn't respond confirms my suspicions. That's right! I called you out bud. Looking back at all the dates I went on, yours was the biggest waste of my time. It was the one date I wish I avoided. I think about it and it was just "icky." Boring. yawn. Sorry, but you were also kind of arrogant and that's my pet peeve.

Sincerely,

A girl that just wants to have FUN!

Dear Mr. Flake

Mr. Flake and I met online and messaged and texted and talked on the phone....well, you'll see...

Dear Mr. Flake,
I think my favorite thing about you is your voice. It is strong and deep and confident. It's one of those masculine voices that just makes me want to make you talk and talk forever so I can listen. Sexy. just sayin'.

I was excited about meeting you, mainly because of your voice, but also because we did have a lot in common. We were both family people, goal oriented, work hard, play hard, creative, fun, funny ect. And you are tall. Why is that also soooo attractive? Anyway, you were always clever in your texts and I looked forward to our phone conversations. I remember our first scheduled date was sabataged by your office, which is cool. I am a working girl, so I get the career thing. No major harm done. I am glad there was a mall close to the agreed meeting spot, as I was waiting two hours to see if you would get off for sure. When it fell through, I just thought 'next time'.

I think I went to Tahoe for a week and when I got back, we agreed to meet up again. Then you called me to say that you had to suddenly help a friend move out and it was some kind of emergency, so would tomorrow work? My patience was wearing, but I was in a good mood that day, so sure. We agreed  that you would call me at one the next day to set something up. When you hadn't called and it was 2 o clock, I just let you know I was over it. Done. Nothing was materializing and you obviously weren't interested. And then there was a sob story about how you lost your job. Okay, maybe it was just a bad time for you to try and be dating people when you needed to focus on other things. But honestly, if you were a little more organized and focused maybe you could complete tasks, follow through and you would still have a job...just sayin'.

Sincerely,

A Responsible Human Being

Dear Mr. Valentines Day!

Mr. Valentines day and I met online. It just happened to be in February, so it turned out that our first date was on Valentines day. We were both normal and chill people, so it ended up being totally cool.

Dear Mr. Valentines day,

Um, this was probably one of the better Valentines Days that I've ever had. Partly because I've never had a boyfriend, so V day was always fun because of the chocolate and celebrating love in general, but no particular years stood out. Okay, I have to be honest. The guy who I was actually most into at the time didn't want to hang out on Valentines day because he was spending it with his mom. Yes, you read that right. So you can imagine me just annoyed. That's weird, right? I mean a guy can't possibly like you if he would rather spend time with his "mom." Anyway, this letter isn't about him. I honestly forgot the day and asked if you were free Thursday. You texted back, "Valentine's Day?" I think I replied something along the lines of, "ah! sorry. I totally forgot. We can pick another day" And as we reviewed our schedules we found that Valentines Day was the one day we were both free for like two weeks. Hey, lets just do it. It can be totally casual. We'll treat it just like another day. And you were a rock star about the whole thing. So we met at Downtown Disney because it was a halfway point and we decided to have drinks at that bar in the middle.

It was rather perfect actually. You lived in New York and I so BADLY want to live in the city for a year. I enjoyed hearing all your stories about going to school there, the late night food runs and your bartender who eventually became your friend. I love the little pieces of New York like that. Because you were educated there were endless conversations about crazy college pranks, literature, science, art and the social aspect of it all, stories about traveling, future goals and just joking around. We got along so well and I felt like I had known you for a while, probably because I sensed our personalities were so similar. You were someone of balance. I.E: Work hard, play hard, study hard, be faithful to your commitments, have a little adventure, read a good book for hours, go to a joint alone, make sure you're at the fun parties, gotta have family, love my friends. Enough of everything. It was so refreshing and fun for me. And that pumpkin beer or whatever it was....so BOMB! The lights that were hanging overhead twinkling as the echo of our laughter mingled with everyone elses' until a roar of luminosity that ascended to the midnight sky... or that's how it felt. But Disney has that vibe to it.

Being both logical, we did have a wonderful discussion on religion and we disagreed, but the discussion was great none the less. It's unfortunate because we matched in so many other ways. But when I think long term, I think of raising kids and they can't have conflicting ideologies coming at them all the time, that's confusing. Poor dears. haha.

So, we walked around, hugged goodbye in the parking lot like good friends and never saw each other again. Yet, that evening glimmers in my mind. Thanks. It was a little adventure and that is the stuff of life.

Sincerely,

A Valentine....kind of... sort of ...once...

Dear Mr. Too Much Too Soon

I met Mr. Too Much Too Soon online. We messaged for a couple weeks before meeting up. He seemed totally normal over text, so when he asked me to frozen yogurt, I went.

Dear Mr. Too Much Too Soon,

I think that fro yo is a PERFECT first date. 1. Because I'm obsessed with fro yo 2. Because it leaves lots of room for chatting 3. Because there is no time set on it like dinner 4. Because it's casual, simple. So points for the meeting spot.

Okay... ummm. so. How do I say this? You stare too much. And it's not a normal stare, it's like a "I'm staring into your soul deeply" stare, which is kind of weird, but I could deal with that. Then we started talking of our mutual love for volleyball, which was fun then life and then personality quirks. I love that stuff. We started talking about families, which I also love and you showed me that picture of you with all your siblings full grown in matching Christmas pajamas, fun.

But then, you went on this long monologue about how all your brothers and sisters were married and you were the lone wolf and how wonderful it would be if you could get married. And THEN you started talking about all your qualities that make you such a good man and how you could be such a great husband. (Pause- If you do have these qualities, it will be self evident to the girl, she, hopefully, won't be an idiot so you wont have to spell everything out for her and I always think it's fun to find out a guy's big accomplishments or cool things about him organically...I think most other girls are the same) You continued to brag about how you can't wait to be a boyfriend, to love on someone, how any girl would be treated like a princess if she dated you... And I played it off like it was a normal thing to talk about on a first date because I'm good at that. And I redirected the conversation elsewhere.

But... not for long. You soon started talking about the journal you wrote for your future wife that you will give to her on your wedding night. Awkward much?! Seriously, you didn't think that is weird? And then, you proceeded to describe how you write every valentines day and how you will treasure her forever. I hoped that was the end. Nope! We had to have a detailed history of your latest breakup. Oh dear. This is the moment when I'm glad I'm having fro yo, so I started searching for a reason to leave. I pretended to have another meeting I forgot about. And I think you bought it... or pretended to. Just when I thought I was home free, you lingered by my car to talk about something that I wasn't even listening to  because I was trying to find the first pause, so I could leave. And you hugged me for what seemed like FOREVER! ah! Help me random person walking by!!! When I texted you that night that I wasn't feeling it, you sent a lot of those "give me a chance" themed texts. What you have to learn is when a girl strait up says no, it probably isn't gonna happen. The end.

In the future, don't even talk about ANYTHING relationship or future related on a first date. Talk about something else, literally anything else, make something up if you have to. It was too much too soon and that sends out a huge red flag. If you limit that nonsense you will highly increase your chances of a second date. But hey, the fro yo was amazing at least.

Sincerely,

The fro yo girl

Dear Mr. Rich Guy

I met Mr. Rich Guy online. I actually didn't think he was rich. I did know that he was VERY muscular and so I assumed he would be kind of full of himself. I actually found the exact opposite to be true.

Dear Mr. Rich Guy,

I remember sitting in my car waiting for you to arrive at the Thai food place. It was a place I had been wanting to try for a while and you were so nice to try it with me and be adventurous. You pulled around the corner in this very shiny, very new BMW. Black, sleek, hard top convertible I think you said? And then... I began to put it all together. The dodgers games you "had to go to" for work, the nice after work drinks ect. And then you stepped out, nice shirt, nice watch...okay. I get it.

But then! You completely surprised me with your very sweet demeanor. You didn't have a hint of arrogance. You were just a good old nice guy. We talked about our families and how much we loved them. we talked about careers and life goals. We joked about the boat and the atv and the truck you were going to buy. I could tell that you hated the food. The way you eat is so funny to me. You don't really favor the way things taste. You make a big meal and eat it all week. Chicken and vegetables, small portions of the same thing over and over again and several times a day. Very regulated. But, you ventured to try the spicy green curry I ordered and you tried to be nice even though you hated that too. I think you might have coughed on the spice and after that you drank a lot of water. The thing that bothered me was how you kept making comments about getting my autograph because I'll be a big deal someday. Except you made that comment like seven times and it got a little annoying and it made me think there was some kind of an insecurity there. Anyway, it was a very lovely evening.

For me, it was the lack of imagination. An imagination is something I have always valued in a man. A man with goals and ideas, a man who isn't satisfied with where he is, who can create something fun, who always wants to learn and grow. Basically, a man who doesn't think in terms of his limitations, but of the possibilities. You would have been satisfied to go through life with your giant house, fancy cars, fancy vacations, a nice wife, two kids and a dog. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that; it is merely the exact opposite of what I want out of life. I need something deeper, more adventurous. In short, you were boring to me. However, you will be some girl's dreamboat someday.... and you're not hard on the eyes haha.

We said a very nice cordial goodbye in the parking lot. You were all-around quite the gentleman. And, honestly, I dreaded the text you would send later that night about how much fun you had. To my relief, you never texted me again, which does make things easier. You probably sensed that I was young and wild and probably too exhausting for your taste. So we both agreed it wouldn't work and we didn't even have to say anything haha. I love it when that happens! Actually, this was the only time that happened hehe, so thanks!

Sincerely,

The "starving" actress

Dear Mr. Trekkie

I met Mr. Trekkie online. He did a 5K run in a spiderman costume which I thought was kind of fun. I thought that was kind of a joke. I found out later...Nope. He is genuinely is committed to that kind of stuff....yeah...

Dear Mr. Trekkie,
I'm pretty sure we actually did talk about Star Trek, so I think the title is appropriate. I think about our date and I'm sorry, but I can't help but laugh. People like you exist. Hard core, dedicated fans, which I am all for. It simply isn't my cup of tea. And, don't get me wrong, I could sit there and listen to you ramble about all the latest video games and secret codes and levels. I just have NO IDEA what language you are speaking. I suppose that's when I blame my ignorance on my femininity. And video games are boring to me (except nintendo 64, but that was forever ago). Ever think of picking up a book? No, not a comic book lol. Nevermind.

You actually really are quite precious. I remember after coffee, I locked myself out of my car and you drove me to get my spare key, which was really nice. AND! I remember we played that one virtual reality game that Google set up where you have to try and drive by certain hot spots or hubs (real locations) and check in on this app and if you got enough pins you could take over the fortress and there were teams and you could see where your teammates were. It was quite elaborate. I just couldn't get over how passionate you were about making sure we stopped at all the hubs to check in for this "virtual" game on the way to get my keys. I guess they're located at all these different public places. I just kept thinking, "what is happening right now?" "Is this real?" But, it was. 100% real. Our worlds are just so different. I do have to let you in on a little secret. It probably wasn't fair to go on a date with you in the first place when I knew before I got there that this would be the one and only date. I just had this respect, at the time, for guys who could ask a girl out. I had a hard time saying "no." And, to be honest, I was kind of a loner myself. I was new to this city and looking for friends.. and if they all happened to be men who thought I was attractive, that was fine by me. It was temporary. Thankfully, I found my community of girls and thank goodness! Even the best of us can only take so much testosterone.

Sincerely,

A typical Girlie Girl

Dear Mr. Personal Trainer

I met Mr. Personal Trainer online. Yeah, that's all I remember.

Dear Mr. Personal Trainer,

Where to start? We had some very great casual dates for late night coffee, drinks at a cute bar and it was fun! We laughed a lot. You are fun and very witty, which I appreciate. I think we went on four dates overall. I remember that being a lot at that time for me. You had this genuineness that I LOVED and then, you started hiding behind this mask, pretending to be something you thought you should be and I couldn't handle it.
                                                 
Okay. I think it's cool that you showed me pictures of how you used to be very overweight and how you have sculpted your body, disciplined yourself and are now eating healthy. I am all about people being the healthiest versions of themselves. However, it didn't take a positive turn for you... at least not psychologically. You talked a lot about how you used to be and how you think you're so hot now and it came off super arrogant. Just because ripped guys have a reputation for being jerks, doesn't mean you have to follow suit. Every once in a while, you would show this very sweet side of your personality. I saw glimpses of sweetness and someone who is giving. Anytime I commented on how nice something was, you would cover it up with a douche-ish remark. Something about how you were better than people who weren't in shape. But, that used to be you. Anyway, it was very bitter and very unattractive. You turned out even more jerk-ish than guys who have always been good looking. What are you trying to prove? You can totally be yourself and it's enough. In fact, I can guarantee it's better than this ridiculous clown show you're trying to carry. "Grunt. I'm a cool work out physical trainer"  blah, blah, blah. It's not a big deal. First of all, this is la. There are a LOT of trainers and second, stop talking down on people like you're better than everyone. It's annoying. If you didn't know, this is why it ended. I don't think I ever told you point blank because the thoughts were not fully formed and sounded mean in my mind at the time. I didn't want to be mean just because you were being a snob. Especially when all you really needed was affirmation and acceptance. dude. You just went about achieving it all the wrong way.

Sincerely,

That girl who can't stand pretenders

Dear Mr. Hiking Fanatic

I met Mr. Hiking Fanatic online. We connected, made plans. I canceled them because I thought I could potentially date one of the guys I was seeing for real and a couple months later when I decided that other guy wasn't going to work out, we reconnected.

Dear Mr. Hiking Fanatic,
The reason I liked you in the first place is because I think outdoorsy boys are absolutely adorable and your profile picture had you making this goofy, cute face. Fun! I was excited to finally meet you. Meeting up for coffee first was a great call. I suppose it's always good to chat with a person before you go on a 4 hour round trip hike with them. After I made sure you were safe, we proceeded, though... we probably should have done something less secluded for a first date. oh well. It was beautiful. Active, we got to talk and when we got to the viewpoint, you could see all of La.. I think even to the coast. ugh, what was that hike called? forgot. Anyway, I thought it was appropriate how you came totally prepared with a backpack, extra supplies, walking sticks, expensive hiking boots, the works. It was a funny juxtaposition because I had a water bottle, an apple and a camera and normal tennis shoes. We actually had a great conversation and it wasn't awkward at all. Well, and I refuse to let things be awkward in general, but it was interesting. We actually got to know each other a decent amount and joked around. And I am way more into hiking after this hike for sure. You opened my eyes. I think I wore you out because I made you almost run down the mountain with your backpack to make sure I would make it to work on time. Well, we went down way faster than I expected and made good time. I guess I made us speed for no reason. yeah, sorry about that...

Why did it end if everything supposedly went so well? okay. I'm just going to say it and be honest. Your teeth. They are very... ummmm...English. I'm sorry. I never realized how big a deal teeth are to me. They have to look nice, not perfect, but not distracting either. Yes, this is the part of the blog where my shallowness costs me some respect, but hey, so be it. Gotta tell the truth. But, I don't know if you fixed your teeth if anything would develop anyway. why? Just not feeling it. But the teeth was the biggest point I could remember... You texted me about doing another hike and I truthfully did get very busy and the text got lost in the business of life and I never heard from you again. I'm sorry I never got to officially say goodbye, but thanks for backing off, that was cool. Oh, and you're very nice some girl will be happy to be with you someday.

Sincerely,
Speed hiker chick

Dear Mr. Hottie McHOTTT Hotttt hottie

I met Mr. Hottie literally the first night I signed up for an online account. I was going through my messages, came across his picture and I couldn't believe he was real. So gorgeous! So we messaged for a little while and he asked what I was doing at the moment. Granted it was 10 pm, so I was probably free. He told me he was at a restaurant (with a bar) and that if I wasn't busy, I should go meet up with him. Ah! This is crazy. I had an early flight the next morning to Ohio. Sure, I was packed, but shouldn't I get my beauty rest? Then I looked at his picture again. Well, I can sleep on the plane. And that was that.

Dear Mr. Hottie,

So I'm guessing that you know you're hot. I mean, when you look that attractive, girls probably are at the level where they are throwing themselves at you. But, I am always up for an adventure, so when you so bluntly asked me to come get a drink, how could I resist? I'm sure it's your age old trick. Anyway, I pulled up and as you met me out in front of the joint, I thought, "okay...super hot and dresses well. what's the catch?" A great hug, we walked in and you were casual yet conversational, confident and cool. And you were surprisingly sweet. I have major reservations with attractive men because most of them are complete jerks. And you were a good listener and very complimentary, you know all too well what you're doing. After a long chat and a lot of laughing over drinks, we went outside. And while I was mid-sentence your masculine hand comes to my jaw, while your other hand sneaks around my waist for a passionate kiss. Why was that like the hottest thing ever? You didn't even ask my permission and for whatever reason, I didn't mind. So, the obvious follows, we kissed and kissed unaware of anyone passing by, yep. For the first time in my life, I was that girl. But it's like after 11 and all the little kids should be in bed by now haha. A great first date, one for the books.

We texted all while I was across the country and we both anxiously awaited when I would get back. As soon as I got back into town, we went out to the same place with your friends. It was so nice to see you with your friends, so genuine and giving, that made you the most attractive I think. Was that planned? How much of this is actually real? After they left, we chatted a little longer and then you walked me out. I was mumbling about something stupid, trying to ignore the tension in the air. Did you feel the electricity building or was it just me? Anyway, it didn't last long because right as I was rambling I suddenly found myself in your embrace kissing all over again. And sir...you are waayyy too good of a kisser and far more experienced than I am.

Of course, as the story goes, you started to push the boundaries and I set limitations, then you pushed again and I told you mid kiss that this was the last time we could see each other, but I said it in such a sweet innocent way, don't you think? You thought I was being playful and smiled through your kiss, "why not?" you said in a tone that I'm assuming was supposed to be seductive. And I just .....ummm... didn't know how else to say it or shock you out of the moment, but I said very casually that I was a virgin and not having sex until I was married. Which, in retrospect, was probably a really intense thing to say, but I didn't know how else to explain that it would be so difficult to be so physical with you. And... oh dear, your reaction surprised me. "What? No! No way! You've got to be kidding! That was the last thing I expected." Why was that your reaction instead of, "oh. that wasn't even what I was thinking. I'm just a nice good boy innocently kissing a cute girl?" hmmmmmm???  I'll tell you why! Because you probably do this to girls all the time!!!! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you had them on a rotation. Your sweet front betrayed itsself in that moment. I've never been one for yelling or arguments because it takes so much energy and is rarely constructive, particularly with strangers, which we technically are after two dates. So there was no blowup, everything was talked about and smoothed over and I think we even talked about meeting up again. 

Then, I was a dumb girl. so I texted you to hang out one last time and by the time you responded five days later, I was sooooo over you! I mean, if you are going to drag a girl along at least send a dumb five word text within a couple days. You best work on your game mr. player. That’s right! I said it!

Sincerely,

The girl who found you out

Dear Mr. Leather Jacket

I met Mr. Leather Jacket online, we messaged for about a week and decided to meet up one night for burritos.

Dear Mr Leather Jacket,
Okay.... Just because you drive a motorcycle and wear a leather jacket doesn't make you cool. I normally wouldn't mind these things, but I think it was the obnoxious tilt of the head, your wanna-be swagger. Sheesh?!!! What are you compensating for? And THEN! I had to sit there and listen to all your accomplishments, pretend like the fact that you are in an indie band is so legit. Please sir, this is L. A. The longer I sat there the more I got annoyed with your the perfectly sculpted hairdo. I am convinced you spent longer getting ready than I did. It was the symbol of your strenuous effort to make the"cool guy" image work, but everything was a dead giveaway. You just screamed, "please. love me, love me, accept me," and I don't have time to be your personal cheerleader 24/7. I'm a girl, not an idiot. You are insecure. Everything was so In-genuine. Please find who you are and just do that, you'd probably have a girlfriend... Well, a non-shallow girl who would stick around for a while.

And, you made me pay for myself!!! Granted, it's a burrito, but it's the concept that counts. Did you really think there would be a second date? Honestly? I texted you right after that I was over it, that you weren't my type. I think your response was, "Wow, glad you know exactly what you're looking for," you replied and thankfully that was the end of that. Please, grow up a little before you start seriously dating someone, do some major soul searching.

Sincerely,

Miss, Summer Sundresss

Dear Mr. We Just Don't Have Anything in Common

I met Mr. We just don't have anything in common (WJDHAIC) online, messaged for about a week and decided to meet up for coffee.

Dear Mr. WJDHAIC,

I do have to say that it was a little unfair because I scheduled you in for a morning coffee date before work, so our time was limited. I think this was during the point where I was scheduling dates like it was my job, almost daily. It's funny because you are very sweet, but you definitely have that bad boy thing going on underneath and because my father is what we would label as a "bad boy." I had my major reservations at the beginning. The ironic thing is that we were able to laugh a lot and I actually had a really great time. All the onlookers probably thought we were good friends even though this was our first time meeting each other. I do love that; when you can walk up to someone who is a complete stranger and start in the middle of a conversation. This is one of the qualities that I find most attractive in men. Why? Because it shows wit, personality, confidence, playfulness, openness, a sense of humor and all in the first five seconds. So, I guess the title I gave you doesn't exactly fit. We do actually have that in common-- great people skills.

It's funny because you said you were a Christian, but I suppose I should have better defined what type of Christian I am, because we weren't the same. I love being at church and spending time with Jesus. It's an every day thing for me, not just on Easter and Christmas. No judgement, we simply are looking for different things. The other thing that fascinated me was when you started talking about all your clubbing experiences and the second I told you I wasn't really into clubbing, you gave this big speech about how you don't really enjoy it and are not really into it anymore, when a couple minutes earlier, you were driving the clubbing train to club city haha. That was the biggest red flag for me, that you would change to adjust what you think I would want. That bothers me the most. Our upbringings were completely different. Our life goals were completely different. We actually might have been great friends, but that's the rough thing about online dating...you can't really move backwards.

Upon leaving the coffee shop I think we agreed to hang out again, but as I was driving to work I got this stressful burden and overwhelming dread of hanging out with you again and having to pretend like I was into it. That exhausts me the most. So I broke it off over text. Immature, yes. But, that was at the beginning of my dating and I was then terrified of awkward/confrontational conversations in relation to men. You took it well, so maybe you felt the same, which is nice and which I actually prefer. And then we did the cordial thing and both wished each other the best. Polite, but I always feel that is insincere no matter how genuine it may be. Basically, we had so many differences. Best to end it as soon as you know it isn't going to work, right? Thanks for taking it nicely.

Sincerely,
Breakfast Coffee Girl

Dear Mr. Sweetie

Mr Sweetie and I met online and messaged for a couple weeks before meeting up.

Dear Mr. Sweetie,

I do have to give you props because you came up with the cutest date ideas. It was so fun to venture to cute little Monrovia among the glowing lampposts and enjoy frozen yogurt while talking into the evening. You were quite the gentleman and we laughed a lot. We had so much fun that we had to meet up on a second date for burritos and a fun lookout spot, again just talking for five hours like it was nothing and admiring the view. You were sweet and kind and complementary. To be honest, it probably wasn't fair to you. I don't think I was in a place to really seriously date someone. I was young and at the beginning of dating people and dating too many other guys at the moment. Cruel, dysfunctional, but educational. I was on a journey to learn about men and learn about myself and so I needed a lot of subjects if you will.

The thing that's hardest to think about is how you found out how I loved to swing dance and you took me to that ballroom and learned how to dance. We laughed again. Looking back, I think I will ultimately end up with someone like you. You had a lot of the character qualities I'm looking for. At the time, another guy was texting me and he was super hot. I'm shallow, I'm a terrible person and I'm sorry. I think what I said was, "there was no spark when you kissed me," but what a kiss it was in my dress and heels, clutch in hand leaning to your tall self and then our foreheads touched. Cute. Innocent. Perfect in a way. I was dumb and distracted. However, that was a big moment for me because it was the first time I was actually honest with someone when I broke it off. I usually say how busy I am or "it's me not you"... I didn't feel the spark I wanted to feel and that was honest so thank you. I have since learned that the best way to handle men is to be honest. Who would have thunk? How could it be that simple? When you make up something, men can always tell, so it always just works best if you say you're not into it if you're not into it. It was an AMAZING revelation, haha.

Sincerely,
That girl who thinks you're so sweet ;)

Dear Mr. Doctor

I met Mr. Doctor in the coolest way possible! Like something out of the movies! It was back in college like three years ago now. I was at a starbucks in the uppity part of town studying for a Spanish test.

Dear Mr. Doctor,
I do have to say I am sooo impressed with the way we met. Not only are you confident, but kind and creative. It's hard to meet guys with the balls to strait up ask a girl out. I was particularly impressed because I was surrounded by college boys.I was very aware that an attractive, muscular red head in scrubs sat at the table next to me. And I was happy you trusted me to watch your computer while you grabbed a drink. I mean, it was a totally normal way to break the ice. You probably guessed I've done this 282398492387 times before. BUT!!!! but, but, but. The part that actually caught my attention was the brownie you laid on my table while you said, "Thanks for watching my stuff" with the biggest smile ever and as my smile met yours you had to know you got me hooked. Nice game move. Then, you played it sooo cool. you weren't over bearing and didn't get into an intense conversation right away, though I could feel one coming. You built the suspense. You were such a distraction and I had to really focus, occasionally looking your way to see if you were looking at me. You probably were aware the whole time. Then, a casual conversation. We laughed and were probably the focus of all the coffee shop audience around us. The encounter ended with me writing my number on a napkin as you insisted and I easily gave in. I walked out into the night of lampposts and chic outlet windows so stunned. What just happened?? I think the power of your approach is that you understand women like to be chosen and you were so specific at making me feel hand selected. A+!

Our second date at Panera was casual still. You paid, which in college meant you had money and I was acutely aware of the fact that doctors did in fact make money. We talked about our families and laughed and planned to meet again. Oh, and you dress so nice! I was very superficial at this age and I loved watching your muscles move under those shirts ow ow!!! "A real man!" I thought to myself. And I was quite giddy and telling all my girlfriends about our encounters. "You're so lucky!" they would always say.

Next, you took me to this pub, which in your world is completely normal. Being the Resident Adviser of a very Christian School with a no-drinking policy, I was thankful we were on the other side of town. I was still scanning the joint to see if I recognized anyone. Phew. Safe for now. It was kind of exciting to be "living on the edge" as I would have put it. I laugh at myself now. The sweet potato fries were great and I couldn't finish the cider beer thing, though I loved it and we talked of our travels, one of my favorite conversations to have...to this day. A big hug, I loved being engulfed in those strong arms of yours. Another great date.

Then, you started texting me things about working out, going in the jacuzzi and you wanted me to come over to your house to watch this movie I said I hadn't seen. I have to put this in context for you. At this point in my life, I had never kissed anyone before. I was 21 and a little naive. I knew that coming over to your house was code for, hey, let's make out, but I couldn't be honest and just say, "coming over to your house makes me uncomfortable," so I made up something about being too busy to date you. I'm sorry, I panicked and I lied. You had a pretty good bullshit detector and totally called me out. I showed the text to all my girlfriends and wrote it off as you overreacting. To be honest, I was too immature for you. I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and I knew that about myself. I also didn't want to kiss you. Not yet, I had school to worry about. I know you texted me a couple months later when I was in Chicago auditioning and it was flattering, but by then, I was interested in another guy more my age and about to graduate and move back to California. It was impractical.

I saw you a year and a half after this event, though you didn't see me. I was back in town a year after I graduated and I met up with a guy friend and we went dancing on the river for cinco de mayo. We were all about the salsa dancing and I saw you quite drunk hitting on this girl. Maybe you were together. I didn't want to tell my friend I knew you and unfortunately he grabbed my hand and took me right between you and this girl. I was so nervous. I didn't know how you would react. To my delight, you didn't recognize me or maybe you didn't see me. I did turn the other way. Either way, I'm glad you've moved on. Thank you for some wonderful dates. It set a good standard for dates in the future, though I wouldn't use these skills for another two years.

Sincerely,
The Starbucks girl

Dear Mr. Attractive Horny Nerd

I met Mr. Attractive Horny Nerd online after messaging for a couple weeks. He goes to school close to where I am so we met up for coffee after his class ( which was after I kissed one guy on another date, drove home, changed, redid make-up perfume and ran out the door again...literally, but he didn't know that)

Dear Mr. Attractive Horny Nerd,
I actually loved the first impression you gave. Your blue eyes are deep and understanding. Tall, brunette, nice jawline, attractive, confident. You are very intelligent, which is totally a turn on for me. we had a great intellectual conversation and laughed and joked a lot. I actually thought it was kind of cute that you wore tennis shoes with jeans. Chemistry. That's what you were studying I think. Anyway, we wanted to keep hanging out after the coffee shop kicked us out. It was cold, so after talking outside for a while we retreated to your car and chatted. It was so cute that hand slap game we played. I've loved playing that game since I was a kid. Then, almost out of nowhere, your hand grabbed mine...romantically. My heart started pounding. I was afraid to look in your eyes, so I nervously smiled. When I did, your hand went to my jaw and then you leaned in to kiss me softly. It was so sweet and exciting. We did kiss for a little while. Just sweet and nice and I was excited about going on a second date with you.

Okay, it's weird to send a girl questionable text messages about how all you want to do is kiss her ALL the time, especially after you've been on just one date... ewwww. I was dumb at the time and just thought you were really into me.. but yeah. Don't do that in the future. Also, the second time we hung out was at a Carls Jr. I mean, I get it. You're a student, but really? I actually didn't mind that much until what happened afterward. We had such a normal nice conversation in the Carls Jr. Then you wanted to go sit in your car. Okay, whatever. Except talking was code for kissing, which even that was okay... and THEN!!! SERIOUSLY!!! YOU ARE SO HORNY. You like... skipped a bunch of steps and started to unbuckle your pants and try to seduce me, which was scarring to be honest.I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU really so Duh! I'm going to jump out of the car so fast and politely tell you I never want to see you again, which is so disappointing, because I actually did like our chats. why did you have to RUIN it???? Anyway, you're dumb and I'm sorry for that poor girl that has to put up with your shenanigans. Girls are not just for sex, don't know where you got that from.

Sincerely,
Not that kind of girl

Dear Mr Spicy Italian

I met Mr Spicy Italian online. He very insistently messaged me and asked me out quickly, which I found attractive, so I thought, why not?!

Dear Mr. Spicy Italian,
Well, I suppose I should have guessed it from the moment I met you. You and your trendy jeans, leather shoes and white top, with way too many  buttons undone and the accent! Oh, kill me! I did enjoy the venue. The white tablecloths with chandeliers, fancy waiters and way too many drunk businessmen at the bar. Romantic, clean.

I loved how much you adored your family. We both have a lot of siblings and funny stories to tell. It was also fun to talk about our Europe experiences..well, you living there and me visiting a while ago. I (being ana actress and a dramatic girl) do love all things European so it was a weakness for me and stop smiling! Ah! That adorable smile. The fudge dessert was charming and I liked watching the pedestrians meandering down Colorado street with the utmost class and sophistication (or maybe it was my mind romanticizing everything). I, of course, was dressed for the occasion in my black sheer blouse blowing in the wind. For some reason, I always enjoy myself more when I know I look great.

 It did surprise me when you tried to hold my hand so quickly as we were walking down the avenue. I suppose the stereotypes must be true about Italian men and all. It was also fun looking at architecture books at the bookstore, but I could tell you were more interested in your hand around my waist than the artistry of the pictures. And it was quite gentlemanly of you to walk me to my car. We hugged goodbye for you had to be off to your night class. MBA was it? Something important like that. And then the lingering goodbye chat and oh, you suddenly needed a ride to your car. Wow, you're sneaky. I pulled up to your car and as you came into hug me, I found your lips on mine instead. Well, what was I to do, but just put the car in park and kiss and kiss and kiss??? So much for that night class. It was all very fun and spontaneous. I NEVER do things like this, but I love being in the moment and hey! You're hott!

However, I am not that kind of girl and when you tried to push the boundaries, I felt uncomfortable. I suppose you could call me a prude. I honestly don't regret our date for a moment. It was so much fun and kind of surreal and detached from real life. For a moment Pasadena turned into Italy for me. But, I was firm on needing to go. Yes, we'd been kissing for 45 minutes and it was fun, but I did have another date lined up that night. Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't have guessed and I honestly surprise myself sometimes. Sorry you are just finding out now.

I could have gone on a second date and a third date ect and kissed you and walked in romatic places with a put-on lovers glow, but why would I waste your time when I know it's going to eventually end anyway? I know you protested, but you move too fast for me and I don't want to put myself in a compromising situation because we both know I'd be tempted with your hot bod.I did however appreciate the poetry of all your pleads and texts, it was flattering. I have no doubt you have long since forgotten me and kissed many a girl since then and may even have an Italian beauty of your own now. It has been nine months. Thank you for a beautiful time!

Sincerely,
A lover of all things European