Here's the scenario: I met this guy online. It was actually the first online date of my soon to follow binge of 8 months of okaycupid. We messaged a few times before he told me I was gorgeous and he wanted to meet me.I have rules to always meet at a public place with lots of people, drive separately, tell someone where I'm going ect. He was willing to drive over an hour from his town to mine where we had a nice dinner at a chic place (I'm fabulous at choosing locations!!)
Dear mr clingy pants,
REALLY? I don't know where to begin!!! Maybe with: STOP texting me. I went on a date with you, as in singular, one!!! And you still send me the occasional text every couple months. No means no. I've ignored you for 8 months. How could you think that anything will develop?! I also have all my friends listen to your voicemails you leave and we find it quite entertaining how you talk about the beach and how it reminds you of me, oh and the other best one is the recitations of shakespeare. oh dear. It doesn't matter how many times you quote your poetry, I'm obviously ignoring you. I told you that night I wasn't interested and you sent me 52 text messages (trying to convince me to give you a chance) within the next 5 days. 52!!!!!!I know because I counted. I don't know you. You either have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old or you've never had a healthy friendship. I hate to be mean, but it was the only way to get rid of you... for a while. And how did you find my e mail??? That's just plain creepy. If I start finding letters on my doorstep, I'm getting a restraining order.
The date was actually really normal... Well, once I got over the fact that you clearly didn't look like your picture! I mean, did you think I wasn't going to find out.? And it was pretty awkward when the waitress said, "Well, you two make an unusual couple." The part that really stood out to me however was when you hastily mentioned you had a surprise for me. I mean, I expected flowers or chocolate. Nope. You pulled out the novel War and Peace, sat it on the table and proceeded to read a pre-selected passage to me ... for TWO WHOLE MINUTES?! I don't think you noticed the people staring at us, but I did. I went to the bathroom to call my sister. I thought I was in the middle of a seinfield episode, that it couldn't be real. And the worst part is I was so dressed up, like dressed up, in a nice black dress because you insisted that I look nice. Who does that anyway? I think you said, "Make sure you look beautiful." Sir, please! I can do that. You probably shouldn't say that in the future.
Well, at least the wine was perfect and the caesar salmon salads were wonderful and the conversation was actually kind of interesting. You do have 2 masters degrees and you've been to 27 countries. Your stories and education are cool and totally great selling points for you. We did laugh a lot. I really do think that you will find your future person. But here's some tips:
1.Don't tell her to "make sure she looks nice."
2. Represent yourself correctly
3. No novels on the first date, in fact, no presents... just be normal, wait it out a while to see who she actually is, so you can get something specific to her (Which will mean more anyway)
4. Don't do that thing where you curl up like a cat with your hands under your chin and your back curved. It's creepy and you only do it when you're "listening," which makes it even more strange
5. MOST IMPORTANT: When she says she's not interested, back off. I mean, it takes a lot for girls to be blunt and actually say: I'm not interested, not feeling it or any variation. Usually, they'll make up an excuse not to see you because they're "busy." So when they can actually say it, you need to forget they exist, delete their number. If they ever want to contact you again, they will.
In conclusion, I guess I should say thank you. Your story is the one I always love to tell about my online dating experiences, it was rather unforgettable in a way. Maybe you won't be so clingy in the future...
Sincerely,
That girl you need to get over
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
The Introduction- The Premise of my Dating Life
So, Here's the deal.
1. I would consider myself a very normal, attractive, motivated, successful, talented, outdoorsy, fun, playful, smart Christian girl.(To name a few adjectives)
2. I'm 24 and I've never had a real boyfriend (This is where you gasp.)
*You have to remember that I grew up in the Christian community, which encourages purposeful dating (aka, someone you would actually end up with for real) and I was very school/ goal oriented for a while, which put boys in the background, at least on the romantic level. I had plenty of guy friends growing up.
*And let's be honest, EVERYONE knows that girls mature faster than boys and our brains aren't even fully developed until we are 25. Besides until middle school, boys had cuties.
* I was very shy and introverted until my junior year of high school, high school boys are a joke. I wasn't remotely interested in dating at that time.
*I was so excited to go out of state to a university to meet a mysterious perfect man, because every high school girl knows that college is where the "real" men are. So, you can imagine my great disappointment when I learned the truth. I'm not hating on guys. I LOVE guys. I get it. You're in school with a bunch of other young men, lots of testosterone... you want to do weird things like kill squirrels and have naked shower man time and yell and walk around campus like you're so cool and show off all your brilliant expertise in this catastrophically minuscule area of your major that, honestly, no one cares about. You're finding yourself and learning. The coming of age years. And girls are probably just as bad. We probably have our annoying things. I simply had the wrong expectations. That was the problem. Oh, and maddd props to anyone who got married in college/ the summer after graduation! I don't know how you survived. You're so brave and then you conquer the most CRAAAZY transition years in your life AND build the foundation for one of the most important relationships for your life. PHEW. Talk about a day's work.
*I graduated college so ready to date for real haha. So when I discovered dating, I went on a binge dating streak with as many as six different guys some weeks.
3. My dating HISTORY up to college: This will put things in perspective. I come from a very specific demographic- Conservative/ Christian and this will put the entire blog in context. I had my first big crush in 6th grade. I couldn't talk to the boy without being nervous. I was selectively shy around him. I think we were friends though, we joked in class. His biggest selling point was that he was cute and obnoxious. High school, I noticed boys were cuter, but still so immature. I had some crushes. Nothing ever materialized. I grew up in the public school system, transfered to a private Christian school my Junior year where I blossomed and for the first time in my life, I was popular. This was incredibly exciting and shallow. I just liked having friends and never missing any hangout because everything was epic... and it was. I went to dances with boys, and hung out with them ALL THE TIME, but still no dice.
The following blogs are letters to individual men. I would put their pictures up as I have them, but I think that might be illegal? anyway, invasive and potentially mean as I am not the #1 fan of all the men I've dated.
I would also put up a picture of me so that you know I am real and mostly normal...... but then what if someone I dated found this blog? I don't use names... Would they be able to figure out who they are? What I really think about them? Too vulnerable, at least for now...I might get brave and change my mind...
Some of the men I talk about I knew in college, the rest I met mostly through online dating. Hey, no judgement!!! How am I supposed to meet good quality guys in this 21st century?!!! huh? at a bar? um, no thank you, don't want to end up with an alcoholic. At church/ work is awkward if anything goes wrong because then you have to see that person all the time and deal with the aftermath and I've never been one for drama. Life is too short for drama. Our whole social lives are virtual, so why not try meeting people that way too? Move with the times, just don't be an idiot about it!!!
Warning: I will probably offend you. This blog is not for the weak in heart. I promised myself I will be incredibly honest, but also vulnerable. Oh, and I'm a virgin. Thus, I'm not sleeping around. I'm a believer in true love and waiting until I'm married to have sex, so that will put things in perspective too. But, if you want to laugh a lot at my crazy stories and think a little, come on my journey with me!!!
1. I would consider myself a very normal, attractive, motivated, successful, talented, outdoorsy, fun, playful, smart Christian girl.(To name a few adjectives)
2. I'm 24 and I've never had a real boyfriend (This is where you gasp.)
*You have to remember that I grew up in the Christian community, which encourages purposeful dating (aka, someone you would actually end up with for real) and I was very school/ goal oriented for a while, which put boys in the background, at least on the romantic level. I had plenty of guy friends growing up.
*And let's be honest, EVERYONE knows that girls mature faster than boys and our brains aren't even fully developed until we are 25. Besides until middle school, boys had cuties.
* I was very shy and introverted until my junior year of high school, high school boys are a joke. I wasn't remotely interested in dating at that time.
*I was so excited to go out of state to a university to meet a mysterious perfect man, because every high school girl knows that college is where the "real" men are. So, you can imagine my great disappointment when I learned the truth. I'm not hating on guys. I LOVE guys. I get it. You're in school with a bunch of other young men, lots of testosterone... you want to do weird things like kill squirrels and have naked shower man time and yell and walk around campus like you're so cool and show off all your brilliant expertise in this catastrophically minuscule area of your major that, honestly, no one cares about. You're finding yourself and learning. The coming of age years. And girls are probably just as bad. We probably have our annoying things. I simply had the wrong expectations. That was the problem. Oh, and maddd props to anyone who got married in college/ the summer after graduation! I don't know how you survived. You're so brave and then you conquer the most CRAAAZY transition years in your life AND build the foundation for one of the most important relationships for your life. PHEW. Talk about a day's work.
*I graduated college so ready to date for real haha. So when I discovered dating, I went on a binge dating streak with as many as six different guys some weeks.
3. My dating HISTORY up to college: This will put things in perspective. I come from a very specific demographic- Conservative/ Christian and this will put the entire blog in context. I had my first big crush in 6th grade. I couldn't talk to the boy without being nervous. I was selectively shy around him. I think we were friends though, we joked in class. His biggest selling point was that he was cute and obnoxious. High school, I noticed boys were cuter, but still so immature. I had some crushes. Nothing ever materialized. I grew up in the public school system, transfered to a private Christian school my Junior year where I blossomed and for the first time in my life, I was popular. This was incredibly exciting and shallow. I just liked having friends and never missing any hangout because everything was epic... and it was. I went to dances with boys, and hung out with them ALL THE TIME, but still no dice.
The following blogs are letters to individual men. I would put their pictures up as I have them, but I think that might be illegal? anyway, invasive and potentially mean as I am not the #1 fan of all the men I've dated.
I would also put up a picture of me so that you know I am real and mostly normal...... but then what if someone I dated found this blog? I don't use names... Would they be able to figure out who they are? What I really think about them? Too vulnerable, at least for now...I might get brave and change my mind...
Some of the men I talk about I knew in college, the rest I met mostly through online dating. Hey, no judgement!!! How am I supposed to meet good quality guys in this 21st century?!!! huh? at a bar? um, no thank you, don't want to end up with an alcoholic. At church/ work is awkward if anything goes wrong because then you have to see that person all the time and deal with the aftermath and I've never been one for drama. Life is too short for drama. Our whole social lives are virtual, so why not try meeting people that way too? Move with the times, just don't be an idiot about it!!!
Warning: I will probably offend you. This blog is not for the weak in heart. I promised myself I will be incredibly honest, but also vulnerable. Oh, and I'm a virgin. Thus, I'm not sleeping around. I'm a believer in true love and waiting until I'm married to have sex, so that will put things in perspective too. But, if you want to laugh a lot at my crazy stories and think a little, come on my journey with me!!!
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