Dear Mr. Tentative,
Breath. Okay. I remember seeing your profile online and being so excited because you were tall dark and handsome... and did I say tall? 6' 6" was it? Anyway, we started talking and I suppose I got lucky because I was the only one you really actually met in person from the site. I remember we met at downtown Disney at the Jazz Cafe and just talked all things family, life, friends, funny stories and we clicked so quickly. We came from such a similar background and that was sooo attractive to me. My theory is the most you can have in common as far as the background and upbringing is concerned the less likely discrepancies will occur about the bigger decisions in life. Granted we had similar families and both of us loved the families we came from. I also met someone that was as family-oriented as I was and you'd be surprised at how difficult that is. Haha, I remember I blew off another guy to go on a date with you... wise choice in retrospect.
One of my favorite traits about you is your spontaneity. I remember getting a phone call from you the night before and you saying you were going to take me on a coffee date in the morning. That was another cool thing. You always said, "I'd like to take you on a date." I just liked how you would use the correct terminology and refer to it as a date instead of "hanging out" like the other lame-os. Thanks. Also, you always picked the place. :) You'd have an idea in mind and a plan all set. That is so sexy, you don't even know. A man who can make a decision, who has an opinion and can put something together.
I remember going out to breakfast and the Asian waitress saying that we were the most beautiful couple she's ever seen. That lady probably gets good tips haha. I remember when we sat on top of the hill overlooking the sparkling lights that represented life below and having a great life chat while eating the pomegranates you brought for us. I remember walking on the beach at night while enjoying the cider you prepared for us with ALL the toppings... soooo cute! We looked out at a rig and pretended it was an alien ship and then we met that one drunk guy hahahaha. I liked being engulfed in your arms by a huge hug. Precious.
We were having so much fun and things were progressing slowly, which was refreshing because all the other guys kept trying to kiss me the whole time... oh yeah, not sure if you knew I was dating more than one person at the moment haha. sorry, I don't think you're the type who would have taken it well. I did however fizzle out all the guys until I was only dating you... and this is going to sound so dysfunctional, but I hated that! When you're dating a few guys there is always someone willing to give you attention. But, waiting for your texts made me kind of get upset with myself. Ugh. I feel desperate waiting for a reply. I hate that I feel desperate. You wouldn't text me for days and then all the sudden you'd say, "this is what we're doing. I miss you." I think part of it is that you don't know how to really handle girls. You haven't had that much experience, but I think that's kind of a cute asset. You were very conservative and that was adorable as well.
We even got to the point where we met each other's families and everything went so well. My mom raved and raved about the flowers you brought her and the gift you brought for the family. My siblings adored you because you were so much fun. My family was all about it. And I liked your family too. They were routy and competitive and traditional like we were. I hit it off with your parents and your grandma is so stinkin' funny. Really. That was a crazy weekend. I met your family, you met mine and then.... pause... waiting... nothing... We even talked about it and still nothing progressed. Maybe you're the type of person that takes a relationship very seriously and you knew you weren't ready as much as everything else lined up. That makes sense, I suppose.
So, if things we're going so well, why did everything come to a halt???
1. Long distance, and by long distance I mean 2 hours away. I learned something very important about myself. When I get a boyfriend we will need to be close and able to be present in each other's lives. This girl has MAJOR issues with long distance and the communication kinks it brings. In fact, I think a long distance relationship is a form of torture, it sounds absolutely miserable to me and I don't think I'd ever do it for real. I'm far too artistic or emotional or however you decide to label it.
2. Remember, I wanted to hang out with you on Valentines day and you said you couldn't because you were doing something with your mom... REALLY? If you weren't so innocent, I wouldn't believe you. I mean, it's cute that you actually are that kind of guy. However, I can't spend forever fighting with your mom for time with you on Vday. like for reals. That was super annoying and a huge wake up call.
3. You couldn't finish things or complete them and this was what actually ended everything for me. It was rough to watch you go through the application process for your dream job and quit at the end. I loved listening to your dreams and the things you wanted to do in your life. They were fun, huge things that I could attach to and support, but I couldn't help but think they would never happen because of your lack of follow-through. I remember you talked to me about asking my dad if you could date me before we became "official" and I waited months and that NEVER happened. You had a habit of making plans, beginning them, yet never finishing...including your bachelor's degree. I wasn't going to make a big deal about it because it's not the end of the world, but it's something that YOU wanted and you gave up on yourself. It's terrible to watch. So I decided I couldn't be attached to that. It was too much watching you forever almost finish things or make "tentative" plans. It was exhausting and so disillusioning especially considering your advanced potential and ability to do whatever you want. I say that truthfully. You could have your pick of careers. everyone who meets you falls in love with you! And I see why. You are genuine with a giving heart, solid integrity, developed character and a fun personality. You, however, lack the diligence or motivation to complete a task. Or maybe you get scared at the end? I didn't make an exact conclusion. Anyway, we are still friends on face book and we have each others numbers, so I might give you a couple years to get it together and figure out what you want to do, to complete some things and if you still think of me, I might be here. I say might because I could be living in New York or Paris like I've always wanted to...Oh, that was another thing. You were nailed to the ground. You didn't want to travel all over like I did. You thought that sounded crazy. I get that. It's not for everyone.
An almost.. a very close, but no dice. I am grateful to have known you, you are a kind gentleman. Thank you for a wonderful time and who knows? ...
Sincerely,
Miss Finish Line
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